Module 2 : dancing with the dark
& the divine
Healing the Masculine and Feminine Within
Can it be hard for you to receive and be tender? Conversely, is it difficult for you make decisions and take action? Do you feel accomplishments depict your worth? Do you seek external validation over internal sourcing of acceptance? Are you sometimes manipulative to get what you want? Do you give in easily, people please or placate to avoid having to hold a boundary?
These are expressions of the wounded Masculine and Feminine energies within us. We are going to explore the wounded expressions, how they show up and what it means as a woman to be in balance.
This is a hot topic in our culture as men and women look for guidance in how to heal toxic ideologies. FYI…as most of you know…references to masculine and feminine does not equate man and woman.
We all have feminine and masculine qualities and energy within us. Women will always have more feminine energy than men and vice versa. Even if you have been conditioned to be more masculine…don’t worry…you can’t hold more masculine energy than an actual man. When these energies are in harmony within us we can manifest what we want in life with flow and ease.
However, we ALL have wounding around the masculine and feminine according to what we saw and how we took in the messages fed to us about what it is to be a woman or a man in this culture. These wounds come from some compounding factors such as:
The relationship (or lack of) with each of our parents or care-takers
Our parent's relationship with each other (or lack of)
The cultural/societal messages we received about being feminine or masculine
The messaging around our sexual identity, sexual orientation and gender roles
Wounding from early sexual encounters
Trauma/Abuse that we experienced
It’s important that these energies be appreciated and acknowledged for the different roles they play AND that they are INTER-dependant. They harmoniously flow in and out of each other like fluid tides of the ocean.
Healing the wounds associated with this masculine and feminine is a process that goes beyond just what we experienced in this lifetime. This is also where systemic, karmic, past life consciousness affects our very being. We hold the wounds of what has transpired for generations and generations down the linage lines for women and men in the collective consciousness.
Time to bring the WOUNDED AND DIVINE qualities of the polarities into our awareness and feel empowered to release the stories that have been experienced, passed on and inherited!
The Wounded Feminine/ The Mother Wound
We all have a part to play in this cycle. The more we own and accept these toxic patterns, the more we have the power to transmute them. If we are in a phase of denial or unwillingness to dissect this for ourselves than we remain a victim to it. The Mother Wound is to women as the trending topic of Toxic Masculinity is to men. Ways to see how deeply systemic and inherited our views about our power, sexuality and worth are.
Let’s take a look at The Wounded Feminine and the Mother Wound to bring a deeper level of awareness to those crazy thoughts rolling around in your head…
The mother wound is both ancient and modern, entwined in Western patriarchy and also a thought—in other words, a learned behavior passed subconsciously, subtly from mother to daughter.
“At the macro level, the mother wound is a matrilineal wound—a burden that manifests in mothers and is passed on from generation to generation. It’s the pain and grief that grow in a woman as she tries to explore and understand her power and potential in a society that doesn’t make room for either, forcing her to internalize the dysfunctional coping mechanisms learned by previous generations of women. The mother wound reflects the challenges a woman faces as she goes through transformations in her life in a society where the patriarchy has denied us ongoing matrilineal knowledge and structures.
Western society has had an anti-women agenda running for hundreds of years—including everything from issues of social and moral inequality, to unjust land rights, voting discrimination, and disparities in positions of power. This agenda tells females not to shine, to remain small; and that if you are going to try to be successful, that you should be masculine about it. In subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) ways, we tell girls that becoming empowered will injure their relationships—and women are taught that relationships should be valued more than anything else. The measuring stick for women in our society is very different from the one we use to measure men; women are taught that there is shame around their successes. This status quo is kept alive through bureaucratic structure, the media, learned behaviors—what I think of as social programming.
What happens to a developing woman when she feels thwarted by society and denied, ignored and put down? Her energy becomes repressed and internalized: It must be me. This negative self-talk is cyclical. On a societal level, the mother wound, too, represents females’ role in the perpetuation of this programming, against women, over generations. On a personal level, it involves our own mother’s subconscious involvement in its continuation.”
The Wounded Feminine traits:
Powerlessness/Victim, Manipulation, feeling like they need to use sexuality to get what they want. Smothering, over-protective and over-whelming. Outwardly facing without any internal holding point. Superficial relationships. Pretense. Depression. Confusion, fear, anxiety. Feeling spacey. Neediness. Over-thinking. A sense of martyrdom, sacrificing yourself. Inability to receive. Blocked creativity. Artificial prettiness.
“The mother wound has been around for thousands of years—we see it in ancient stories through the trials of figures like Persephone and Inanna—but it has changed greatly over time. The four fundamental functions of mothering are: to nurture, to protect, to empower, and to initiate. In the ancient legends, archetypal stories show daughters that have been nurtured, protected, and empowered, but denied their initiation or final transformation into womanhood—by their mother or a person representing the mother figure. Think the stepmother in Cinderella, or the queen in Snow White.
In these archetypal stories, the mother wound more so manifests as a mother figure thwarting the attempts of a daughter to become a full majestic woman. In modern society, the daughter’s attempts are thwarted by everyone and every aspect of society—daughters are not given the avenue to become full majestic women. We have had generations of unprotected, disempowered, uninitiated women.” -Dr. Oscar Serrallach
How to heal the Mother Wound- THE DIVINE FEMININE
If we are to heal… we must be radical…rebels…WARRIORS OF THE HEART! We have to start treating ourselves with unabashed self-love through our inner dialogue and outward expression. We have to develop a new archetype…the DIVINE FEMININE WITHIN. The ever-present mother that was free from conditioning or archaic ideas of how a woman needs to be in order to survive. She is SAFE now and knows nothing but encouragement towards your greatest expression of ALIGNMENT WITH FATE. You will not know her, you may have never seen her before but she lies deep within your intuition. 100% TRUST of your intuition is how she comes to life. Time to begin this relationship…
Also, when we gather in celebration and honesty with other women, we break the chain. (When we can show our shadows to each other without fear of being judged or killed or betrayal…we are definitely not that far off from a time that women were turning other women in so as to not be killed themselves during the witch trials. The “Sister Wound” is deep in the female psyche. A deep distrust of other women didn’t come from nowhere!)
When in balance the Divine Feminine looks like:
Compassion and patience. Nurturing of self and others. Introspective, able to look within. Intuitive and innate wisdom. Connections to others through the sharing of your true self. Comfortable with darkness. In the flow of life. Receiving the gifts of life. A balance between giving and receiving. Creative. Natural, radiant beauty.
The Feminine is everything that moves…she is creation itself and all matter in the universe. If the masculine is the void, the feminine is the Big Bang. She is represented by the Moon because she has a mystery and essence that cannot be understood, she is the darkness and the depth. She dances with the dark and gains power by fearlessly going into it.
The Wounded Masculine
The Wounded Masculine within Is Burden. It is the attempt to fill the void rather than become the void. It is anxiety, doubt, fear and lack. Nothing is enough for the wounded masculine, it is never full because it refuses to accept its own emptiness. It believes it needs to do/achieve and does not see its own divinity. It represses experience/emotion/energy/flow leading to constriction. It tries to cling to experience as it passes or pushes experiences away. It is perpetually in the past or future, never in the present.
We have been taught as women that we needed to be more masculine in order to feel valid and credible so many of us have an overbearing and out of balance masculine energy. It doesn’t allow for softness and certainly doesn’t understand the value of RECEIVING. It pushes us to the brink of breaking so that we feel valid. Tells us to do do do and then do more….
THE DIVINE MASCULINE
The Divine Masculine is strong, vulnerable, courageous, brave, action-oriented, “he” is safe, a protector and longs to connect with the feminine.
From an energetic, contemplative perspective…the masculine is awareness itself. The witness. The one who knows. On a cosmic level, the divine masculine is the void and space that holds all matter-the dark matter of the universe and the vastness of space. The stillness behind all movement. It is death, it is perfect knowing, truth. It is utterly free and the qualities are clarity, focus, presence, stillness and spaciousness. The Divine Masculine needs nothing and holds everything effortlessly.
What has your Divine Masculine helped you do?
For me, it was DM who allowed me to sit in Vipassana and with Plant Medicine, it is DM who helps me put myself on social media and DM who told me to raise the value of my work, it was DM who got me to stop drinking and do a cleanse when I was 22 after my father passed and I was depressed and grieving, it is my DM who is a badass planner and creates my retreats and travel plans, it is my DM who lets me say “no” when I find myself wanting to accommodate and people please. It’s my DM who holds me in the empty space between relationships.
When you learn and understand what the wounded masculine and feminine energies say and do, you can pinpoint what energy needs to be more empowered so you re-balance the energy exchange which = more success and better results. This will catapult your success (love, money, clients, happiness, fulfillment, joy… etc.) in every area of your life.
If a woman is mostly in her wounded feminine, she can heal that energy within herself if her masculine energy steps up and re-balances the energy exchange.
The qualities of the masculine in balance inform the feminine: direction, power and pioneering.
Really we need to just bring these concepts in as a way to shift the way we are relating to ourselves and others from a wounded narrative. To see when its the narrative playing out and causing pain in our lives. To feel that we can empower ourselves to see it differently. We can build an inner Divine Mas and Fem to reference from here on out and let them parent, guide and advise us.
Often, our relationship to our own masculine and feminine mirrors either 1) the relationship we had with our parents, or 2) the relationship our parents had with each other (or both). If one of your parents was absent or died, you can think of any stories you heard about them.
You may want to take a piece of paper. In one column, write down the things you heard your parents say about each other (these may be positive, too). In another column, write down ways they behaved with each other in order to meet their needs. This might be yelling, nagging, avoiding or checking out, placating or giving in, trying to control the other’s behavior, betraying the other and so on.
Feel into your own relationship with your feminine or masculine, and see if there is any resonance with the list you wrote down. For example, does one part of you check out while the other nags and criticizes? Do you favor the qualities in yourself that mirror those of the parent you viewed as being more powerful or safer?
If it feels appropriate, imagine that you are calling your parents’ higher selves in front of you. You might place a picture or representation of them in front of you, drawing a circle around them. And imagine that you are giving back to them anything you might have taken on for yourself of their pattern. If you wish you can place the list you wrote down in the circle with them. “I honor you both and wish you well on your journey. And this pattern of ___________ is no longer mine to keep. I give it back, with love and compassion.”
SiSTAR contemplation Qs:
Is the relationship between your Feminine and Masculine within harmonious?
Do they support each other? How do they interact?
Do they resemble the relationship you saw with your caretakers?
Did you have an easier time with the masculine or the feminine? What was the unhealthy version that you have taken on? What healthy qualities do you embody?