Module 4: Queen of RadiancE
CRYSTAL CLEAR CREATRIX
How to create your reality with legit manifestation…
The universe’s only intention is for us to grow and come into full Divine Alignment. The soul only knows growth so your experiences reflect the messages that your subconscious is attracting so that you can heal any misaligned beliefs.
The reflections that the universe gives you are supposed to bring you back into authenticity.
We do not manifest from our thoughts (so you can’t just think your way into a new reality) but from our subconscious programming that was formed within the first 7-year life cycle.
The good stuff showing up is a reflection of your aligned, positive self-worth experiences and the negative stuff showing up in your life (and ways of relating) are the places you are looping from old, low self-worth childhood beliefs.
Becoming a CREATRIX is all about how you really feel about WORTH and DESERVINGNESS.
And, you can’t cover this up with false pretenses…your patterns and what you attract are the proof of how you feel about yourself.
So, when the negative patterns keep coming in, then it is a sign for us to go back and work on our sense of value at the root of the particular pattern ie..intimate relationship, upleveling your career, having more finical abundance.
EVERYTHING you manifest comes from your unconscious.
We are in a co-creative relationship with the universe at all times. All things on the external are a reflection of the internal.
The universe reflects your frequency.
So, You are not and never will be a victim. Nothing happens TO you, you are creating it on a subconscious level AND that means you can change your reality by shifting your frequency and the way you feel about what you deserve.
This whole program has taken you through a rich process that allows you to see the truth from the non-truth of your perceptions. You have touched into where the unconscious shadow has been directing your life and been able to deeply rewire the pain to a frequency of LOVE.
Let’s Look at How to Create More Expansion…
Deservingness is when you feel that there’s plenty more of where this came from so I can easily let this go if its not in full alignment w/ my values, needs, and desires and I will still have plenty of options!
Deservingness is the underneath our worthiness…it’s an even higher frequency of worth and love.
Also, being in a state of deservingness doesn’t mean that it’s EASY to let things go. You will still feel pain, heartbroken, loss.
Although you know that is just a part of life…learning through putting yourself out there and gaining wisdom through experience.
We are meant to learn through challenging, contrasting experiences that we are beyond valuable no matter what happens externally.
So, if we are not getting it and having weak boundaries, staying in sacristy mode around love or money then we will keep having experiences that help us test this.
How many times have you gotten shown the same thing over and over before you actually started saying “no” to the same shitty treatment?
You are the only one that will stop your patterns from being repeated again. You will shift if you can stop and ask, “Does this situation, person align with the way my higher self should be treated?, Is this what I would want for the person I love the most in the world?”
Sometimes we get addicted to another person or a situation and it’s like coming off of crack to let them go. This is a sign on a TRAUMA BOND or unhealthy attachment style (see below) …which will often be the root cause of you not shifting into a place of worthiness to get to the next level of what you desire.
With awareness and guidance through a trauma bond…you can dissolve the deep associations w/ survival and low self-worth, however, you must be out of the situation that activates the trauma to heal it. AND, it’s almost impossible to do this yourself…now is the time to get professional guidance.
What we see is what we get…
Understand that if you never saw Divine Union or healthy relationship modeled for you when you were young then your unconscious doesn’t trust that its real.
So, we will need to consciously look for examples in our lives that prove to us that it is real.
Start to notice the relationships or jobs that you do admire and reflect the traits of Divine Deserving. You don’t have to personally know these people to admire what they are creating.
There is a part of you that will most likely be in contraction and not feel deserving or worthy of a big Uplevel.
So, locate that part in your body and do the Felt Sense Inquiry exercises.
Notice what this part within you is sacred of if you were to have Divine Union. Notice what part feels that it may be left or hurt or that vulnerability in a relationship isn’t safe.
Then, you have arrived at the place where we have the power to re-wire the pain into DESERVINGNESS. Your awareness and deep listening to this sensation within will automatically start to shift it!
You are becoming aware of stuck energy and allowing a space for it to be seen instead of distracting and covering it up.
Lacy Phillips describes these activating people as Expanders…
“Expanders are the notion that your subconscious needs to see to believe. The old way that we learned was to visualize or dress for the thing that you want.
We don’t manifest from thoughts and since what we have created as subconscious belief. We see through our mirror neurons and that creates our reality.
When we see expanders…we see that they did that so I can do it too. Admire them, recognize yourself in them,
In relationship, you have a clear sense of what you want but have only had non-committal. You grew up just seeing toxic.
You need to go out and find models of this relationship that you are calling in and the more you recognize yourself in this person, the quicker you will expand.
The lower your self-worth, the more expanders you will need to collect for your subconscious to believe it. Collect 2, 3, or maybe even 4.
Missed opportunities are expanders. The job that you almost got or dates you went on w/ an amazing guy but didn’t call you back. These are expanders.
You can find mini expanders in everything. You can find them on social media or movies…watching movies works too because when you are in a hypnotic state, your subconscious is forward so it’s less likely that it discounts it as not real.
Expanders are the thing that your subconscious needs to see to believe and no amount of visualizing will replace that.”
So, loves, start paying attention to what and who you are attracted to!
Yup…the intentions matter and writing out a list is the best way to set intentions. But, let’s look at if your intentions are in alignment with where you are at currently.
Sometimes, we fly too high in the birds-eye perspective and ask for something like Divine Union when we haven’t even had a long-term relationship or a good date in a while.
You want to come back down to the nest and focus on what is possible in the next 6-9 months.
If the psyche doesn’t feel its achievable then your intention will stay in the void because its too big a leap from where you are now.
Like, I am having 3 amazing, fun dates w/high-quality people in the next 6 months. When you get to that place, then go to the next step…I am having an exciting romance with someone whom I feel connected and safe with. Then move on from there…
What are the small steps that would lead to the Big Dream?
Your brain will automatically discount something if it doesn’t think that it's possible.
RED FLAG…If it’s not believable…the unconscious will reject it and reinforce the old belief that you don’t get to have what you want.
Make the list…get specific. The more details the better without being focused on one way or one outcome. And, don’t get caught up in using all positive languageing here. It’s OK to list what you don’t want too.
GO DEEPER…now that you have a written list, look at WHY you really want these things. Get to the root feeling you are looking for.
Example…My new job pays me $150,000
Why I really want that…$150k feels like it will meet my basic needs and allow me to have freedom to take vacations, travel and buy the things I love without going into scarcity. So instead, I really want SECURITY and FREEDOM in my new position not necessarily X amount of money.
The Universe WILL test you…
The things that you desire will come to you. They will get closer and closer to what you want the more you believe in yourself.
However, The universe will show you 90% of what you want and wait to see if you take the bait.
You must stay steady in the feeling of Deservingness and still know that you deserve the 100%.
This doesn’t mean that you don’t do things that aren’t perfectly what you desire all the time.
For example, when you need a job to pay the bills…you don’t sit on your hands and say no to a great offer. However, you have the awareness that you need to Expand a little bit more and you can take this job in the interim.
The moment you settle with less than what you desire (when your desires are aligned w/ Source and not ego), you send a message of scarcity in your system and a fear that you don’t get to have what you really desire.
Don’t let TESTS discourage you or take you off path into old beliefs. Greet them as a sign you are getting close and loving yourself more!
We get to practice boundaries and saying NO with the people and situations that aren’t in alignment. Boundaries are a sign of high self-worth!
So much of our manifestation work is about healing a deeply rooted scarcity program that thickly coats our collective consciousness.
Healing our own perception of self helps heal this old template for the entire human race!
You are more than deserving of Infinite Love and Abundance in every area of your life!
Can you stay w/ emotions of separation w/ love until they transmute so you can shift?
Can you create manifestations that are shorter-term, small steps to the big dream?
Who in your life do you see that is showing you what is possible for you in your life?
Notes on Trauma Bonding;
Trauma bonding refers to the attachment bond that is created through repeated abusive or traumatic childhood experiences with the caregiver, whereby this relationship pattern becomes internalized as a learned pattern of behavior for attachment.
If you experienced abuse from a caregiver who also loved you, then you learned to associate love with abuse. This became the template for how you learned to relate to others and form relationships. So, you expect that in order to feel loved you get abused. Abuse feels like love, and often many become attached to their abusers to feel loved in this way. This is how it works.
Imagine you were abused for being noncompliant as a child, so you are left feeling abandoned and unworthy. In order to attach to the abuser, you learned to meet their needs and make them happy and you received love and approval. This became your equation for love. So, you learned to please your abuser in order to receive the love you wanted.
If you were abused as child, you protected your relationship with the parent by preserving the notion of the ‘good parent’, pushing down feelings of anger or hurt towards your parent in order to feel loved or attached. You protected yourself by burying these feelings, and internalizing that there was something wrong with you for upsetting your parent. So, you came to believe that it was all your fault, you are bad, naughty and must make it up to them in order to feel loved and good enough. Well, this template is now how you see yourself in relationships with others.
You see yourself as ‘bad’ and deserving of punishment, so you must be ‘good’ to get the love you want. You end up attracting abusive partners, with the wish to be good enough for them, so you get the love and approval you’re looking for.
In essence, you are still longing for your abusive father or mother to give you the lost love you wanted, yet, you bury this fantasy, and replicate this pattern by attracting abusive partners, so you can get them to love you.
Often, when feeling not good enough, the desire for love can be the perfect bait that an abusive narcissist hooks into. When you’re meeting all their needs, you feel loved and good enough, which allows the abuse to be justified. When you blame yourself or think something is fundamentally wrong with you, you believe the abuser and allow yourself to be put down, because it is what you’ve already internalized about yourself. You repeat the pattern of putting up with abuse because it’s the internal bond that keeps you attached to the parental abuser, so you do not feel abandoned or not good enough.
When you justify the abuse or minimize it and blame yourself for it, you become unaware that you are being abused. Just as the child, you deny the abuse is happening in order to feel loved and wanted.
You may not see the real person as abusive but still hold onto the fantasy of being loved which you project onto that person.
Acknowledging the abuse creates the fear of abandonment from the lost love object and awakens the original pain, that becomes further defended against with denial and self-blame.
Letting go of this fantasy of being loved brings up feelings of abandonment, with associated feelings of not being good enough, causing you to reenact the same attachment pattern with the abusive parent. So, you cannot let go of the abuser and must be good to get them back.
So, the victim of abuse will go back to the abuser and justify it. This is the actual truth about why it is so hard to cut the ties and let go. It’s a deep wound, a trauma wound that binds them together.
Attachment Styles from Dr. Lisa Firestone
Secure Attachment – Securely attached adults tend to be more satisfied in their relationships. Children with a secure attachment see their parent as a secure base from which they can venture out and independently explore the world. A secure adult has a similar relationship with their romantic partner, feeling secure and connected, while allowing themselves and their partner to move freely.
Secure adults offer support when their partner feels distressed. They also go to their partner for comfort when they themselves feel troubled. Their relationship tends to be honest, open and equal, with both people feeling independent, yet loving toward each other. Securely attached couples don’t tend to engage in what my father describes as a “fantasy bond,” an illusion of connection that provides a false sense of safety. In a fantasy bond, a couple foregoes real acts of love for a more routine, emotionally cut-off form of relating.
Anxious Preoccupied Attachment – Unlike securely attached couples, people with an anxious attachment tend to be desperate to form a fantasy bond. Instead of feeling real love or trust toward their partner, they often feel emotional hunger. They’re frequently looking to their partner to rescue or complete them. Although they’re seeking a sense of safety and security by clinging to their partner, they take actions that push their partner away.
Even though anxiously attached individuals act desperate or insecure, more often than not, their behavior exacerbates their own fears. When they feel unsure of their partner’s feelings and unsafe in their relationship, they often become clingy, demanding or possessive toward their partner. They may also interpret independent actions by their partner as affirmation of their fears. For example, if their partner starts socializing more with friends, they may think, “See? He doesn’t really love me. This means he is going to leave me. I was right not to trust him.”
Dismissive Avoidant Attachment – People with a dismissive avoidant attachment have the tendency to emotionally distance themselves from their partner. They may seek isolation and feel “pseudo-independent,” taking on the role of parenting themselves. They often come off as focused on themselves and may be overly attending to their creature comforts.
Pseudo-independence is an illusion, as every human being needs connection. Nevertheless, people with a dismissive avoidant attachment tend to lead more inward lives, both denying the importance of loved ones and detaching easily from them. They are often psychologically defended and have the ability to shut down emotionally. Even in heated or emotional situations, they are able to turn off their feelings and not react. For example, if their partner is distressed and threatens to leave them, they would respond by saying, “I don’t care.”
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Fearful Avoidant Attachment – A person with a fearful avoidant attachment lives in an ambivalent state, in which they are afraid of being both too close to or too distant from others. They attempt to keep their feelings at bay but are unable to. They can’t just avoid their anxiety or run away from their feelings. Instead, they are overwhelmed by their reactions and often experience emotional storms. They tend to be mixed up or unpredictable in their moods. They see their relationships from the working model that you need to go toward others to get your needs met, but if you get close to others, they will hurt you. In other words, the person they want to go to for safety is the same person they are frightened to be close to. As a result, they have no organized strategy for getting their needs met by others.
As adults, these individuals tend to find themselves in rocky or dramatic relationships, with many highs and lows. They often have fears of being abandoned but also struggle with being intimate. They may cling to their partner when they feel rejected, then feel trapped when they are close. Oftentimes, the timing seems to be off between them and their partner. A person with fearful avoidant attachment may even wind up in an abusive relationship.
The attachment style you developed as a child based on your relationship with a parent or early caretaker doesn’t have to define your ways of relating to those you love in your adult life. If you come to know your attachment style, you can uncover ways you are defending yourself from getting close and being emotionally connected and work toward forming an “earned secure attachment.”